What Josh is Thinking Today

Day 149

2011-08-09T21:00:00.001-07:00

Day 148 (or, "The Many Reasons Why I Will Unfriend You.")

2011-07-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

1. If you call somebody "awesome" on facebook, I will unfriend you.

2. If you announce that you have an amazing boyfriend on facebook, I will unfriend you.

3. If you wish your mother happy birthday in your status, and your mother doesn't have facebook, I will unfriend you.

4. If one of your listed "activities" is "learning Torah," I will unfriend you. Keep that shit to yourself.

5. If your profile photo is a picture of your kid, I will unfriend you. You don't belong on facebook.

6. If you announce that you need a hug on facebook, I will unfriend you.

7. If you post a poem that you just wrote about something very personal and emotional to you, and you are a male, I will unfriend you. Also, you might not be a male.

8. If you post an offer from livingsocial.com, and it is later than 3:00 pm, I will unfriend you. (Trust me, we already know.)

9. If you announce that you are sad about the death of a celebrity on facebook, and it is not in a joking or sarcastic way, I will unfriend you.

10. If you so much as mention "Farmville" once ever, I will unfriend you on facebook and in real life.

11. If you post a photo album showing off pictures of your muscles, you might be a redneck. (Also, I will unfriend you.)

Day 147

2011-06-15T20:25:00.001-07:00

Day 146

2011-01-13T17:28:00.001-08:00

Day 145

2010-12-13T11:21:00.000-08:00

Day 144

2010-12-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

Hey Sara, I'm gonna be in the Heights for shab, let's meet up?

Day 143

2010-11-30T19:11:00.001-08:00

With the holidays approaching, I feel it incumbent upon myself to remind everyone of the halacha regarding crying:

At Funerals.
Funerals are the one place in which the poskim universally agree -- crying is absolutely permitted. Go nuts.

In Response To Pain.
Crying is permitted in this scenario only if the pain is substantial. This includes: slamming one's finger in the door of one's car; and/or, to quote the late decent Leslie Nielsen, jumping onto a bicycle without a bicycle seat. Some poskim also include: putting food into one's mouth before realizing how searingly hot it is, but not being able to spit it into one's napkin because of the presence of polite company; and/or having to sit through an entire episode of the Conan O'Brien show.

Sporting Events.
It is forbidden to cry at sporting events. This is extrapolated from the famous psak of Rav Tom Hanks: "There's no crying in baseball." An exception to this rule exists if your team wins the championship game. But note! "Your team" means a team that you yourself currently play for. This excludes superfans, benchwarmers, and hockey parents.

During Prayer.
According to virtually all modern poskim, it is never acceptable to cry while praying in public. Do you hear me? Never. You are not the exception to this rule. If you really feel such a pressing need to cry during singing, go buy two boxes of tissues and a ticket to a Blink 182 concert, emo kid.

When praying in private, you may cry if absolutely necessary, but if you're that into it, you should probably just go to shul.

At The Theatre.
You really shouldn't be going to the theatre in the first place. And it's spelled, "theater," you douche.

Listening to Music.
I guess you can cry if it's like, Zeppelin or something, but try not to make a habit of it.

Conclusion.
In summation, showing emotion can be positive when budgeted appropriately, but please remember that there is a time and place. Also, it is important to note that one may never cry, over the period of a year, more than twice. Or three times, if you're a girl.

Day 142

2010-11-15T14:29:00.000-08:00

Day 141

2010-11-12T01:01:00.001-08:00

Day 140

2010-11-11T23:08:00.000-08:00

That was anticlimactic, for a comeback.

Day 139

2010-11-07T21:30:00.000-08:00

Life is tough for Siamese twins, even more so than people think. I mean, what if one of them is on a diet, and the other isn’t? “Dude, put down the friggin' donut! It goes straight to our thighs!”

Day 138

2010-10-27T20:15:00.001-07:00

Day 137

2010-10-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

Day 136

2010-10-21T15:47:00.001-07:00

(Who the hell is Zarathustra, anyway?)

Day 135

2010-10-13T17:38:00.001-07:00

Day 134

2010-10-11T15:37:00.001-07:00

Day 133

2010-10-03T22:19:00.001-07:00

Can somebody please write this book?

"Quantum Physics for Dummies," for Dummies.

Day 143

2010-09-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

Day 132

2010-09-06T13:56:00.000-07:00

Day 131

2010-09-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

Day 130

2010-09-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

Choose a viewpoint and make rational arguments for your side. But a bumper sticker like this is shameless christian propaganda.

Day 129

2010-08-26T23:15:00.001-07:00

Too funny for words.

Side note: has anyone seen George Lopez's awful awful late night program? What. The. Hell. Lopez has a nationally syndicated talk show, and my blog gets two hits a week. There is no justice in this world.

Day 128

2010-08-26T03:25:00.000-07:00

Lately there have been these facebook viruses going around, randomly sending weird or creepy messages to people’s friends. Most people hate these, but I love ‘em. Because now, whenever I get really drunk and send out a stupid facebook message, I can later say, “Oh, that wasn’t me – I guess I have one of those facebook viruses.” Or, if I think I’m picking up on some good vibes from a female friend, I can send her a suggestive message, and then if she gets creeped out, I just blame it on a virus. This has worked so well for me that lately, I’ve been hoping that someone would invent viruses for text messages. (Or for job interviews.)

[Funny or not funny? I'm on the fence about this one.]

Day 127

2010-08-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

Day 126

2010-08-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

Um.

Day 125

2010-08-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

It is often said that Arabs and Jews have a common ancestor in Abraham, but I kinda doubt that. Think about it: if the Arabs truly had Jewish heritage, they would've named their country "Palestein."

Day 124

2010-07-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

"Bar" Mitzvah!

Whatever, I'm tired. Make up your own joke.

Day 123

2010-07-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

A Two-Parter:

I like my ending better than theirs.

(Too soon?)

Day 122

2010-07-19T14:46:00.001-07:00

Day 121

2010-07-19T12:05:00.000-07:00

Day 120

2010-07-18T21:52:00.001-07:00

Day 119

2010-07-18T21:25:00.001-07:00

Day 118

2010-07-11T10:41:00.001-07:00

Day 117

2010-07-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

Wrong again, Facebook...

Much better!

How do they do it?!?

Day 116

2010-07-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Ways To Know You're Taking BARBRI This Summer:

10. You know that Frank Sinatra Didn't Prefer Orville Redenbacher (but you have no idea what that means or why it's helpful)

9. You have three piles of green books in your room, but only one of them has ever been opened.

8. Blank Spaces have absolutely no correlation whatsoever with the length of the phrase to be filled in.

7. You've come to (begrudgingly) accept the presence of puns in your daily life. ("What law stops you from discriminating against birds? Eagle Protection!")

6. Never again can you listen to a song by Shaggy, Dido, or Sinead O'Connor.

5. Three days of Constitutional Law gave you a new understanding of Cruel and Unusual Punishment.

4. You hoped that the US would win the World Cup just so that it would make for an easier bar exam curve.

3. The word "usurp" still makes you cringe.

2. You know who invented Penne ala Vodka. Um. Allegedly.

1. You wish that Windows Media Player had a 3.0x speed instead of 1.5...

Day 115

2010-06-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

Day 114

2010-06-08T17:04:00.001-07:00

"I used to host this radio show for Queens College. We called it the 'Retro Show' because we would, in theory, talk about the exciting events of the 1980s, but that got old in about five minutes and we pretty much spent the remaining fifty-five talking about whatever we felt like and playing occasional hair metal. Because our show was so well-organized (read: because we were the first show to fill out a time-slot application) we were given the 12:30 - 1:30 free hour on Wednesdays, which was cool because the only place the radio actually broadcast to was the student union building, and the only time there were ever any people in the student union was during free hour. I would typically spend the fifteen minutes prior to my show scrambling for co-hosts to help fill the silence, plus I would bring on unfortunate regulars like Michal, who was too shy to say anything but at least gave me responsive facial gestures so I knew whether what I was saying was out of line. And once in a while, it was. The station was so damn sensitive that if we so much as mentioned the name of a disability or nationality, we'd get a bang on the adjacent wall telling us to change topics. You couldn't say the word 'handicapped.' You couldn't talk about 'Mexican food.' The managing board was freaking strict. A sign on the booth door read, 'If you play a song by Nickelback, it will be the last song you play ever.'

My group had no idea how to work the transmitter, so once in a while we realized halfway into it that we weren't broadcasting to anyone but ourselves. We compensated for those broadcasts obnoxiously and creatively; in the beginning of some shows (the ones that actually went on the air), we turned the volume up - way up, in fact so loud that I would get complaints afterward from the student body. It wasn't just that we were the only show who didn't play music, it was that we broadcast so damn loudly that our listeners had no choice but to listen to us gripe about the varying sizes of the Queens College parking lot speed bumps. Every complaint I got was pure encouragement; it meant that I had one more listener.

We did some crazy stuff on occasion, too, like when we brought in the Christian Community group on the same show as the Gay-Lesbian-Straight Alliance. (True story.) Or when we had the Singing Salsa club come in to play Latin-American Idol. (Not quite as true.) We liked to close the show by featuring a random classic song; we would then turn down the music way low and then belt the words to the song on top of it. And that's how I ruined Blind Melon for all those Queens College students. What a show. Those were the days, man."

-wjitt

Day 112

2010-05-09T22:17:00.000-07:00

Claude Monet had an apprentice that, for some reason, never quite became famous. I guess it's true what they say: you never get a chance to make another first impressionist.

Day 111

2010-05-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

Day 110

2010-04-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

Me: I need accounting puns!
Ari: Get a LIFO.
Me: Stop making jokes at my expense.

(Pause.)

Me: Sorry, that was lame. I'm gonna write that one off.
Ari: Please don't put this on your blog.
Me: Do you really think I would do that? Come on, give me some credit.

Day 108

2010-02-07T00:15:00.000-08:00

Day 107

2010-02-05T10:24:00.000-08:00

Day 106

2010-02-05T00:24:00.001-08:00

There's a special place in hell for people as funny as me.

Day 105

2010-02-05T00:02:00.000-08:00

Day 104

2010-02-04T23:34:00.000-08:00

I'm honest to a fault.

Day 103

2010-02-04T23:06:00.000-08:00

Get out of my head, Gates!

Day 102

2010-02-04T21:05:00.001-08:00

Can you say "ratings?"

Day 101

2010-02-04T15:31:00.002-08:00

I recently attended and won a "Panoply" team trivia game. As the winning team, we each received internet-connected cell phones. Which was ironic, since we had all come in with internet-connected cell phones...

Day 100 ("The Last Laugh")

2010-02-04T15:31:00.001-08:00

But not really.

Day 99

2010-02-04T14:59:00.000-08:00

Bastards.

Day 97

2010-02-03T23:53:00.001-08:00

And I will have it until I'm 90.

Day 96

2010-02-03T23:35:00.001-08:00

I may have been reading a little too much xkcd recently.

Day 95

2010-02-03T13:09:00.000-08:00

I should really be in advertising.

Day 94

2010-02-03T12:46:00.000-08:00

Although the other students in my Managerial Economics class are undergraduate freshmen (and six years my junior), I realized today that we have equal knowledge of the underlying mathematics, and truly began to feel like one of their peers. That lasted for about ten minutes, until the teacher said the word "assymptote," and everybody laughed except for me.

Day 93

2010-01-22T13:09:00.000-08:00

One of my teacher has a slight accent. This can be humorous for the rest of us.

Teacher: "Some goods are cheap; others are being expensive. The price of air is for free. But how much is the price of aisle?"

Students: "Um... What?"

Teacher: "Aisle. What do you have to pay to get some aisle?"

Students: "We don't know!"

Teacher: "Aisle costs seventy dollars a barrel!"

Day 92

2010-01-19T21:50:00.000-08:00

I recently went to a movie theater that had a very interesting concession stand - snacks were actually priced according to their respective amounts of calories. I asked for popcorn and they charged me two bucks. Then I got a Krispy Kreme donut and it cost me $8.50! I washed those down with a Diet Coke, which was free. Then I got some celery and they gave me thirty-five cents.

Day 91

2010-01-19T18:57:00.000-08:00

The reason they limit the Olympics to amateurs...

Day 89

2010-01-18T22:42:00.000-08:00

Twofer Tuesday.

Day 88

2010-01-18T22:28:00.000-08:00

Day 87

2010-01-17T21:26:00.001-08:00

Day 86

2010-01-16T17:33:00.000-08:00

This has been a true story.

Day 83

2010-01-06T22:24:00.000-08:00

Three periods walk into a bar...

Day 81

2010-01-04T23:34:00.000-08:00

Whenever I'm in doubt about what to do, I always defer to a greater authority on the subject at hand. Usually this authority is my father; sometimes it's a friend; and on rare occasion, it's Socrates. But if I'm driving, there's no question about it - this authority is GPS, and GPS is king. I will do whatever that little bastard tells me to do. If GPS says go left, I go left. If it says make a four-lane U-Turn across Queens Bouleveard, hell yes, I'm in. Yesterday it made me ditch my car and ferry my oxen across the Hudson.

It got my estimated arrival time right to the minute.

Day 80

2010-01-04T00:15:00.000-08:00

Q: What do yeshiva students have in common with Coca-Cola factory employees?

A: They each spend most of their days bottling!

Day 79

2009-12-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

Me: "My editor just gave me comments back on my autobiography."

Aliza: "What did he say?"

Me: "It's too cliche."

Day 78

2009-12-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

In high school, I decided to take Japanese for my language elective. I never had a very good grasp over the material. In fact, the teacher gave me a letter grade for my final paper and I still have no idea what I got.

Day 77

2009-11-26T01:11:00.001-08:00

I smell a theme.

Day 76

2009-11-22T01:56:00.001-08:00

I AM SO FUNNY I MAKE MYSELF CRY

Day 75

2009-11-21T17:15:00.000-08:00

The other day, I was riding my bike while talking on my cell phone. (In general, I am not the safest biker/rollerblader... which might explain why I'm now on a first-name basis with the staff at the Penn Hospital Emergency Room.) All of a sudden, I get stopped by a cop. She says I'm not allowed to bike while on the phone. "I'm letting you off with a warning," she says, and hands me a slip. I look at it; it's a gray peice of paper with a drawing of a biker in what appears to be quite serious pain, plus the word "WARNING" along the top. By the bottom, it reads, "Riding a bike while talking on a phone is illegal as of December 1, 2009." I look at the slip, then I look at the cop. Then I look at the slip again. "This says that the law isn't in effect until next month," I say. "I know," the cop answers, "it's just a warning." "A warning for WHAT," I ask, "I haven't done anything illegal." "Yes," the cop answers, "that's why I'm letting you off with a warning."

This goes on for several minutes. Eventually, I crumpled up the slip of paper in frustration and left.

I got a ticket for littering.

Day 74

2009-11-10T14:02:00.000-08:00

When you sneeze in class, everybody stops what they're doing to say something, no matter how important of a point the teacher is trying to make. The thing is, the more times you sneeze, the less responsive the class becomes. I've drawn up the following chart in order to illustrate:

As you can see, after the second sneeze, it is unlikely that you'll garner so much as a single "God Bless You." Not one "Gezundeit," "Nastrovia," or even an "Al-hamdu-Lillah." In fact, if you continue to sneeze thrice or more times, you eventually earn yourself negative goodwill, as people will start to find you annoying and perhaps even take some delight in the fact that you have the flu. (Which you probably do - honestly, who sneezes thrice? More honestly, who uses the word thrice? But I digress.)

Take a look at the chart again. You may notice that the chart begins to level off toward the end. This is because, if you keep sneezing, the annoyance factor becomes outweighed by your classmates' concern that you might in fact be dying. Plus, at a certain point, it all becomes white noise...

Day 71

2009-10-26T18:19:00.000-07:00

Today in Philosophy, we learned that the last year of law school is a complete waste of time.

Day 70

2009-10-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

"Someone was once mean to me, so I stabbed him with a pencil. In other words... he got the point."

-Alinut

Day 69

2009-10-15T22:14:00.001-07:00

I went to my eye doctor the other day for a routine checkup. At the end, I gave him my insurance card. He frowned. I gave him a different insurance card instead. "Better, or worse?"

HAHAHA I AM HILARIOUS

Day 68

2009-10-14T02:38:00.000-07:00

Ari: "You should come to the get-together thrown by my theater troupe tonight. Everyone's gonna be there: the main stars, the side characters, even the Untouchables... It's a caste party!"

Me: "I would, but I fell down and broke my arm. So if I came, it would be more like a cast party."

Ari: "Too bad. We're doing a really great show, too - 'Cats' - but the director is dyslexic. So it looks like it's gonna be a 'Cast' party."

THREE JOKES ONE PUNCHLINE OMG.

Day 67

2009-10-13T01:14:00.000-07:00

A question on my most recent law school exam:

My answer:

Day 66

2009-10-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And polio."

-Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Day 65 (or, "Apples to Apples - The Worst Thing That Ever Happened To Shabbas?")

2009-10-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

Who invented this game and why is it popular? For those of you lucky enough to be unfamiliar with the rules of said game, here's how it works: The judge of the round will put out a green card with an adjective written on it (e.g., "energetic," or, "serious," or, "stupid"). The players will then choose from among their red "noun" cards and submit the one that they feel is most connected to the adjective at play. So, for "stupid," you might put out, "Dane Cook," or, "Jeff Dunham," or, "The Religious Right." (Ironically, there is no card named, "Apples to Apples.")

Now, what usually happens is that, with no noun-adjective connection that is particularly funny, the judge will choose a winner based on the noun that he likes the most, or in other words, whichever one happens to connect to some random memory from his childhood. This universally winds up frustrating for almost all of the players, each of whom thought that their card was "hilarious!" (These are the players that, at the beginning of the game, claim to be "amazing" at Apples to Apples.) The game is an exercise in futility. Its like spending an hour seeing who can roll more threes on a six-sided die. (Which I happen to be quite good at, by the way.)

In summation, Apples to Apples? More like, Apples to... Crapples.

Day 63

2009-10-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

Roman Polanski is in a new band! He calls it, "F Minor."

Day 61

2009-09-29T21:29:00.001-07:00

Today's post is a guest submission from a source who wishes to remain anonymous (for obvious reasons). Enjoy.

Day 60

2009-09-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

"One day I saw Vincent Chiarella on the street. I was so excited that I dropped my ice cream cone! I ran over to him and said, I teach a class on securities in law school, and I would love for you to come by one day and give a lecture. He turns to me and says, Sure, How much will you pay me? And I say, Oh Vinny, you haven't changed a bit!"

-WT (paraphrased)

Day 56

2009-09-07T22:01:00.000-07:00

Ben: "Most of my traits came from my mother, but I have my father's toes."

Aliza: "OMG! So your father has no more toes?"

(Pause.)

Ben: "Really funny."

Aliza: "Whatever. I got that joke from my father."

Ben: "OMG! So your father has no more joke?"

Day 54

2009-09-03T17:06:00.000-07:00

I went to see Shakespeare in the Park when they were running Macbeth. It was a great performance, but they were really short on actors; some of the cast had to play more than one role. I was like, "Hey - that guy playing the Doctor was a drunk Court Jester two scenes ago! Are they supposed to be the same character? Because I really don't think he should be operating on anyone in that condition." Gosh. They give medical licenses to anyone these days.

Day 53

2009-09-02T21:14:00.001-07:00

Day 52

2009-09-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

The Baja Men are back, and this time, they've put a Hebrew birthday twist on an old classic. It's called, "Yom Hoo-leddet The Dogs Out!"

Day 47

2009-08-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

I've become confused about the meaning of the word "modern." What's Modern Art? Colorforms stapled to a pineapple. Modern Dance? The spastic flailings of an anorexic on a coke high. ("I'm telling you, there's a story to it!") In fact, I think the word "modern" actually means "not at all." Case in point: Upper West Siders who call themselves Modern Orthodox.

Day 46

2009-08-24T20:25:00.001-07:00

Crazy Carl: "Do you keep mementos from old relationships?"

Me: "Sure, I keep it all in a box. What about you?"

Crazy Carl: "Yep, I have a girlfriend box too."

Me: "And that's where you store presents from your ex-girlfriends?"

Crazy Carl: "Nope. That's where I store my ex-girlfriends."

Day 44

2009-08-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

This one is hot off the press. I'm watching "My Antonio" (which is a dating show like "The Bachelor" except without all the intrigue). One of the female contestants was just hypnotized to believe that she was an foreign reporter doing a newscast in her native language - Italian. Except that this particular woman does not speak Italian. What was her top story? "Rigatoni spaghetti rigatoni." When asked how long she'd been a news reporter, she answered, "Calzone."

This has been a true story.

Day 43

2009-08-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

The meanings of certain terms have changed over time, and my parents have not kept up with these changes. "Josh," they'll say, "you're going to Canada? At some point in your trip you should try to hook up with your cousin Rachel."

"Mom!" I would exclaim. "Of course I'm going to try!"

Day 42

2009-08-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

Day 41

2009-08-11T02:15:00.001-07:00

Aliza: I love sitcoms! Friends is great.

Me: Friends ARE great, I think you meant.

Aliza: No, Friends is in the singular.

Me: Maybe that’s because you only have one.

Day 40

2009-08-10T01:31:00.000-07:00

Upon signing up for a social-networking site, I was asked to fill out a profile. The questions asked were fairly routine; I simply had to describe my personality, looks, and marital status (e.g. whether I'm "single" or "looking"). I didn't really know what to say, so I took a stab: I wrote "nice butt," "kind," "funny," and "looking." The next day, I checked out my page; to my dismay, my description was listed as "nice but kinda funny-looking."

This has NOT been a true story. I would never ever try to impress women through the use of a website (except, of course, for this one).

Day 39

2009-08-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

My synagogue decided that its current funeral announcement system was too slow. Instead, they're switching to Twitter:

Funeral 4 P. Cohen, Belov'd mom/sis of J & T. Cohen, bff of H. Schwartz, a true A"C, tmrw @ 260 Grant Blvd - Regrets to all :(

160/160.

Day 38

2009-08-08T23:40:00.000-07:00

A friend and I were looking for a fun, free activity in New York City, so we went to the Met Museum of Art. We greeted the ticket seller, who very politely said, "Okay, two at general admission," and then rung us up on the cashier: $40.00. (Of course, in tiny letters at the bottom was the word "suggested.") My friend and I looked at each other, and then at our wallets, and then at the word "suggested," ...and we just burst out laughing. My friend reached into her pocket, and pulled out a handful of change, dumping it all over the counter; I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of lint, and a button, and put THAT on the counter. The ticket seller was not impressed. "Please keep your change... and your lint." We threw up our hands apologetically as we walked by. "Sorry," we yelled, "we're students!"

This has been a true story.

Day 36

2009-08-06T17:18:00.000-07:00

On where to eat dinner:

Ben: I don't care where we go, as long as the portions are big.

Me: Amen to that. I want my steak to weigh more pounds than it costs.

Ben: ...What?

Me: Ugh, that joke works better in London.

Day 34

2009-08-05T00:44:00.001-07:00

Day 33

2009-08-03T21:47:00.000-07:00

My (very religious) aunt was telling me about a friend of hers with a very unfortunate last name: Dick. "What is she supposed to name her child?" she exclaimed! I nodded in confusion; it was not in my aunt's character to note such a vulgar happenstance. "The names would all be ridiculous," she continued. "Pesach Dick, Shabbas Dick..."

This has been a true story.

Day 32

2009-08-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

Pierce Brosnan has become so associated with his role as James Bond that it becomes difficult to conceive of him in any other way. I recently asked some girl what her favorite Bond film was, and she said, "Ooh, I liked that one where he steals from that art museum." I answered, "Yeah, that's not James Bond. That's The Thomas Crown Affair." She paused with a blank stare on her face. "Oh," she finally said, "well then I guess my favorite Bond film would be that one where the villain disguises himself as an old Swedish housekeeper." (I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was thinking of Mrs. Doubtfire.)

Day 30

2009-07-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

Today, on my birthday, I worked longer hours than I ever have before. I didn't even get home until my birthday was over. I only turned twenty-four, but today I became a man.

Day 29

2009-07-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

Instant classic.

Day 28

2009-07-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

I once told my father about a Jewish law that I heard. Apparently, if a person sees his father and his rabbi both drowning at the same time, and he can only save one of their lives, then the person is obligated to choose his rabbi. My father calmly responded, "Josh, all I can tell you is that if that ever happens, and you choose to save the rabbi... then you better HOPE I drown."

This has been a true story.